A Holy Spark

The last post pondered what it is to be redeemed from wrong choices and healed from heartbreak, suggesting it is like finding a reality that was there all along but somehow hidden from view. How do we come into this new way of seeing? How do we seek out what we can’t even see?

There was a time when I focused intently on this question. I filled sleepless nights trying to visualize what my life would look like on the other side of being saved. I thought hard about what, exactly, it means to be redeemed. It sounds silly, but I dissected Mirriam-Webster’s definition. The breadth of the definition surprised me, but I could identify every single meaning of “redeem” as something that in one way or another I fervently desired.

1a : to buy back : REPURCHASE b : to get or win back
2: to free from what distresses or harms: as
  a : to free from captivity by payment of ransom
  b : to extricate from or help to overcome something detrimental
  c : to release from blame or DEBT : CLEAR
  d : to free from the consequences of sin
3: to change for the better : REFORM
5a : to free from a lein by payment of an amount secured thereby
  b (1): to remove the obligation of by payment
     (2): to exchange for something of value
  c : to make good : FULFILL
6a : to atone for : EXPIATE
  b (1) : to offset the bad effect of
     (2) : to make worthwhile : RETRIEVE

The returning to God is not merely going back to our original proper course as if we had never veered off.  It’s greater than that. God wins us back, extricates us, pays our ransom, and conquers heartbreak in an act of unceasing unconditional love. I’ve made choices I wanted God not to forgive so much as to erase from history, as if they never happened. That desire is not authentic, though. God doesn’t revise history. He builds on it, using all the crumbs and brokenness for some good. He makes them worthwhile.

Rabbi Lawrence Kushner asserts that we should not condemn the wrongdoing, but rather embrace it for what it is.

We go down into ourselves with a flashlight, looking for the evil we have intended or done—not to excise it as some alien growth, but rather to discover the holy spark within it. We begin not by rejecting the evil but by acknowledging it as something we meant to do. This is the only way we can truly raise and redeem it.

Kushner poetically concludes that it is only by embracing our offenses that we can transform them to good and reconcile ourselves to ourselves and to God.

We receive whatever evils we have intended and done back into ourselves as our own deliberate creations. We cherish them as long-banished children finally taken home again. And thereby transform them and ourselves. When we say the vidui, the confession, we don’t hit ourselves; we hold ourselves.

Made in the image of God, that holy spark was always there, even in the meanest, most spiteful and damaging acts. Our journey brings us to healing when we finally can see that holy spark in ourselves and in those who hurt us most.

Join the conversation. Has surrendering to God’s relentless quest for you brought you into a new way of seeing?

Copyright 2011 Stephanie Walker All rights reserved. Learn more at www.AcrossTraditions.com.